The Best Summer Ever

I was thinking to myself this morning how different this summer has been thus far. This summer has been the first clean and sober one I have had since I was 15 years old. I have binge drank, drank excessively, drank and drugged or simply drugged every other summer for the past 29 years. This is quite the change for me.

I have to say, that at first thought I was not convinced that I was enjoying myself this summer. This lifestyle is very new to me and lacking in chaos and drama. I have spent the entire summer at my parent's place out in the country North of Lloydminster. It has been very quiet and relaxing. I have struggled to keep busy at times. My addictive mind does not like idle time. If I am not focused on doing something it is very easy for me to get wrapped up in my thoughts. This is not a good place for me to be.

In order to stay present and not get lost in thoughts or predicting the future I have worked at staying focused. I have done a lot of mindfulness exercises. It was a lot easier to be mindful and focused out in the country with nothing but nature noises all around than it was in the classroom or city setting where I first was exposed to these techniques. I spent a lot of time enjoying the peace and tranquility all around me. I spent a lot of time picking berries, walking through the field, listening to music, reading and preparing fruits and vegetables in the kitchen. All of these required a certain level of presence. This has been a huge focus of mine as years of controlling and predictive behavior is not that easy to change. Letting go did not come that easy but it did eventually come.

Looking back now I can see just how far I have come. It is difficult for me to explain just how unusual this summer was for me. It was so unusual that I could not really pinpoint how I felt about it. However, after some careful reflection, I know now that I really did enjoy this summer and I realize just how fortunate I am to have been able to experience a summer like this. There are not a lot of 40 plus year old people with addiction and legal issues, that have a place to go away from it all and have all their needs met. I was able to focus on getting better and nothing else. I really did not have a care in the world (except of course all those worries I created for myself). I truly was blessed with this opportunity and I am so glad that I made the best of it. I do not know for sure, however without everything unraveling like it did, I am not sure I would still be clean and sober today. Taking away all that stress and pressure allowed me the time to work on my thought process and not have to worry about everything else.

Thank-you Mom and Dad for this great summer.