Changing My Perception of My World
Since I was young I have a strong sense that I had a higher purpose here on earth. My focus for most of my life has been on creating this purpose rather than watching it evolve throughout my life. I tried very hard to control everything and everyone around me in order to ensure conformance of my "big picture" vision in my mind of how things are supposed to be. I spent all of my attention focused on proving my worth to those around me because of my self esteem issues and a growing frustration of missing my calling. I was so preoccupied by trying to be someone else, someone that I thought was who I was meant to be, that I lost touch of who I actually was and therefore who I was eventually meant to be. I spent most of my time either in the past or planning for the future. I was very rarely present and for the most part, due to my discontent with my present situation, I spent all of my energy focused on changing everything that was not mine to change and little to no energy trying to change that which was in my control, myself. Being focused on the external and the infinite variables associated with life around one's self is exhausting and frustrating. It eventually took me to a very dark and defeated place. A place that most people have not even imagined and a place that the majority have visited, never escape.
Today I know that I am here to change the world, my world. By far, the biggest change in my world today is my perception of the world. I understand now that I am not God and that I cannot control everything. As a matter of fact, there is very little that I can control so life it is much simpler these days. The one and only thing that is under my control is myself. I have learnt that my satisfaction of the world around me is simply my perception of the world around me. Even though I still struggle with being present, I know now that I must live in the now and stop dwelling on my past or trying to dictate my future. I am becoming much more accepting of the fact that if I deal with whatever is right in front of me, the best that I can, the future will develop exactly as it should and it will even be much better than I could have ever imagined it to be. I am also becoming much more accepting of the fact that my entire life thus far has meaning for my future and has prepared me for exactly what I am meant to do, help other addicts. My vast experience with drugs and alcohol offers me a very unique skill set and understanding that will prove to be invaluable as I look forward to passing on my knowledge to others suffering from addictions and mental health issues. Perhaps even most important is the fact that I have been able to turn my life around. I was so deep in my addiction for so long that most people probably never thought that I would ever change or be able to recover. My miracle of recovery offers those that know me hope. I am an inspiration to many and am proof that anyone is capable of recovery regardless of age, drug of choice and history. If I am able to help even one person find the strength to recover I have done what I was meant to do on this earth, change the world, My World.
My purpose here is simply to do what I can to support the addict that is right in front of me, one person at a time. If by chance I am able to change the perception of addicts and pull addiction out of the shadows and make it a priority for the mainstream population, that is a bonus. Addiction and mental health reform is my passion and I will continue to do what I can to what I can to educate those around me and to offer my support when it is required. Although I tend to take on the weight of responsibility for overhauling the entire system and society's perception of addicts, I know deep down that this is not my burden to carry. I simply have to do my part and live the life I am meant to live and be accepting of everything else around me, especially that for which I do not agree with. I remind myself daily that I am not meant to control everything and my purpose is not to change anything. I am simply meant to live my life and pass on my knowledge to those that want to listen and if my message resonates with them they will make the decision to change as well. Change is in their control, not mine.
As I approach my one year anniversary from drugs and alcohol I can reflect on how far I have come. I am looking forward to 2017 and everything that it has to offer. I know in my heart that this will be the best year of my life thus far. I am looking forward to big things this year and am mindful of the fact that I am to enjoy every day and allow myself to be happy along the way. I am slowly eliminating expectations from my mind and focusing on the blessings of the journey rather than one particular destination. Perception is everything. Perception of myself determines my value of self. Perception of my world determines my satisfaction and contentment. My perception of time dictates my ability to be patient and present. If I am grateful for everything that I have right now, I am able to enjoy life in the present and not be worried about what I have to have happen to make myself happy. My happiness is in my hands and is a function of the perception of what it takes to make me happy. This year I choose to be happy.
