Codependency: Corrupt Connections
The corrupt love of another, in an attempt to fill an internal emptiness. Unfortunately, the emotional void only deepens, until one finds a way to love themselves. Then and only then, can one positively connect with others.
Co-dependency is a learned, one-sided and emotionally destructive behavior that is prevalent in families with addiction and/or mental health issues. It is a self-sabotaging condition that controls an individual's emotions and behaviors. The individual's self-esteem becomes so low that they no longer have the ability to have healthy and mutually satisfying relationships. The co-dependent becomes fixated on helping a loved one suffering from addiction or mental health issues that they forgo any thought of themselves. Not only is this behavior destructive for the co-dependent but it becomes nothing more than enabling to the one suffering from addiction. The addictive manipulation feeds off the co-dependent behavior, spiraling the relationship out of control.
Co-dependency is rooted in self-esteem. To recover from co-dependent behaviors, one must focus on their opinion of themselves. This is very difficult for someone that hates themselves. Co-dependency has provided them an excuse or distraction, preventing them from looking at their own issues. It is simply easier to fix someone else than it is to fix themselves. Over time, the individual tries to validate themselves through a sense of reward and satisfaction from, “being needed" by the one suffering from mental health or addiction issues. Just as in addiction, this behavior becomes compulsive. Eventually, the only way for the co-dependent to feel a sense of worthiness, is to fill the needs of another.
If a person is struggling with relationships, self-esteem and coping with a loved one with mental health or addiction issues, they should consider seeking professional help. Co-dependent behavior suggests much deeper issues that cannot be addressed alone. Counseling and peer support groups tend to be quite productive in helping one recover from co-dependent issues. If you are still unsure whether or not you are co-dependent, answer the following questions.
1. Do other's opinion of you matter more than your opinion of yourself?
2. Do you become preoccupied with making other people happy?
3. Do you make every attempt at avoiding arguments, even if it means keeping your opinions to yourself?
4. Are you accepting of emotional (or physical) abuse? You feel that you deserved the belittling or abuse.
5. Do you become depressed or feel worthless when your loved one chooses their friends or other people over you to socialize with?
6. Do you internalize all mistakes that you make and consider yourself as worthless or a "bad person" for making such errors?
7. Do you feel that, without your support, other people would not be able to survive and as such you feel an obligation to continue helping them?
8. Do you have difficulty saying "no" when asked for help?
9. Have you lost your sense of self and no longer know who you are?
10. Is your opinion of yourself dependent on the validation of others?
If you answered yes to three or more of these questions there is a chance that you may be struggling with self-esteem issues and possibly co-dependency. Speaking with a professional can only help you and most likely, your loved one as well. Co-dependent behaviors are destructive to everyone involved so the sooner that it is addressed, the sooner healing can begin.
