The Disease of Connection
It became much easier to dissociate, than to admit that your struggles are real. You learn to put on a brave face, a mask that suppresses the emotions so well, that you eventually forget who you are. Without love and support, there is only one way out, death.
Addiction has been dubbed by many doctors, psychiatrists, and mental health professionals as the "Disease of Connection." Ever since Vancouver's Professor Bruce Alexander's "rat park" experiment, questions have emerged as to the actual source of addiction. Through this experiment, it was unquestionably proven that source of addiction is not in fact drugs. There is a lot more to it and connection could very well be the answer. This finding was also confirmed in the human experiment, the Vietnam War, where some 20 percent of U.S. soldiers returned home with a heroin dependency problem. The shock however came shortly thereafter though when approximately 95 percent of those classified as addicted, overcame their addiction with minimal issue or even rehab. It appeared as though simply being reconnected with their family, friends, support and environment was enough for them to overcome their addiction and dependency.
The connection explored in the "rat park" experiment and the Vietnam war is that of a human connection and a connection to a loving, supportive environment. When their are loved ones such as family and friends combined with an environment that is pleasurable, addiction does not really seem to be an issue. There are a couple other forms of connection that I would like to explore as well that could also fall into the framework of the "rat park" experiment. One form of connection that I am also going to look at is physiological. I will explore both the right-left hemispheres of the brain connection and the brain to nervous system connection. New discoveries in trauma therapy and brain imaging have led to big strides in the treatment in PTSD through therapies such as EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) and SRT therapy. The other connection that I am going to look at is the one that has been around for centuries and that is the connection of body mind and spirit. With it's origins in ancient times with famous Greek philosophers such as Plato (429 - 347 B.C.) and even earlier with The Buddha (480 - 400 B.C.), this holistic approach suggests that the whole being connection is the cornerstone for a happy and content life.
One of Maslow's basic needs is human connection. Connection with other people, from a social to a deep level, are necessary for a person to feel wanted, needed and to avoid feelings of loneliness. I always seemed to have many friends and have been quite a social person for most of my life. Even though I have been quite social, I have felt very lonely. Even in most of my relationships, I felt a level of loneliness and despair. In my recovery, I have began to rebuild some of the meaningful relationships I once had. Relationships with my family and life-long friends. This has elevated some of my loneliness. I do still however, feel quite lonely sometimes.
Through most of my active addiction, the shame and guilt I felt about what I was doing and about myself, pushed me further and further away from those that I had a connection with. I moved often and was reluctant to make new friendships with clean and sober people. I always feared that they would find out who I was and then not like me, so why bother. The friends that I eventually made were all struggling themselves with the same issues and therefore I felt less judged. I could relate to someone else dealing with the same issues as I. I made many friends through my addiction, however most of them were certainly not lifelong friends. Once I got into recovery, I discovered how many of these so-called friends were actually nothing more than acquaintances. This was a very lonely feeling. I can certainly understand how connection contributes to addiction.
The neuro-pathway connection is a result of repetitive behaviors and fed by automatic thoughts. I learnt at a very young age, that drinking and using was quick relief of any discomforting feelings or negative emotions. If I used or drank, I could quickly feel better, socialize more and feel free and liberated. I was no longer required to be perfect, structured and dependable. I could do whatever made me happy at the time. Over time, this became my only way of coping with my emotions. Emotions that I lost touch with and no longer even understood. 20 years later, the only emotions I really understood were anger and emptiness. By now though, those neuro-pathways were so strong, I did not even have to think about my actions when it came to using. My mind automatically knew what to do ... and my body did it. This connection was so strong and these 8-lane highways in my mind were so efficient, the process of rewiring my brain through recovery has been a bit of a process.
The brain connection to addiction for me is also rooted in trauma. Many of my traumas have happened in my active addiction and as a result have remained unresolved for years. From near-death experiences, grief and loss and abuse, my addiction took me places that many people would never of survived. Quite often I wonder how I did. Apparently near-death experiences such as shootings, stabbings, overdose, car accidents and physical trauma have a major impact on a person's mental state. Who would of known? Earlier in the year I tried to begin the healing of these traumas through EMDR therapy. Unfortunately my life has been very complex and filled with so much trauma that I could not seem to stop dissociating when trying to emotionally connect to past events. Is I quickly discovered, addiction has had a huge impact on the brain connection as well as the personal one.
The mind-body-spirit connection is something that dates back to the beginning of man. This is an aspect that is quite often overlooked. Through active addiction, one quickly loses all connection with the spiritual aspect of one's life, the mind is being controlled by the addiction and the body takes a beating. Addiction completely tears away at the mind-body-spirit connection until there is nothing left. Active addiction is quite often compared to a living hell. For me, addiction became all consuming, tearing away at my moral fiber and leading me to a darkness that led me to do things that many could not imagine. I had daily thoughts of suicide and my life was so hopeless and empty there did not seem to be any point of continuing. My saving grace was the fact that I was raised Catholic and I still feared a God that I felt had forsaken me but I did not want to give him any more ammunition to send me to hell in the afterlife as well. I have been impacted by the suicide of many friends and I did not want to put my friends and family through that either. I had already put them through enough. I eventually found myself in jail questioning how I could ever have gotten to this point.
The stabilization and healing of my mind and body has been one of the most noticeable aspects of my recovery. I am much healthier and happier, most day. I have reconnected with my spirituality and am once again attending church regularly. Reconnecting in this way has filled a number of voids that I felt in my life. Once again I feel like I have a reason to live and I have a God that I can talk to any time and one that listens. Reconnection of the mind-body-spirit is necessary for recovery and one of the greatest sources of strength that I have now.
Connection is everything. In order to recover we must reconnect.
