Five Years of Recovery

Today, started like any other, proceeded like most and will end like the previous 1,825 days, clean and sober. Today marks the fifth year of one-day-at-a-times that I have strung together. I have not had much time to do a lot of reflection yet today but I did sit with a lot of mixed feelings over the weekend.

On one hand I am full of gratitude. What I have been able to accomplish in 5 years only proves how blessed I am and affirms that God always had a calling for me. I was able to quit smoking this year which I consider a huge win. One piece at a time I fight to make my life better and better. I could not ask for more even had my life not get sidetracked for 29 years. I am exactly where I want to be doing what I love and am passionate about. What else could I ask for.

On the other hand though, I recognize that I still have so much to learn. I still struggle with that which is out of my control. My emotional intelligence is probably still that of a first year college student. My ability to do self-care has improved greatly however certainly has a long way to go. My mental health depends on this. I guess awareness of all these things is what recovery gives me, and it also gives me permission to not be perfect, even though i can beat myself up for not being so.

This passed year has been a challenge for me at times, as it has for most of the world. I learnt a lot about myself this year including how strong and resilient I can be. I lost a few people again to this disease, as I do most years, but I also saw some incredible recoveries. I witnessed today, one of those people, a single mom and her son, move into her own place, exactly 18 months after the day I took her to Saskatoon for detox. It is miracles like this that make the cost of caring so worth it.

My heart the past few months has been overflowing with gratitude. I often sit on my couch and tear up just thinking about how blessed I am. From the many people in my life to the countless opportunities that seem to be opening up da after day. One year ago I was fearing that we would have to close the doors of Residents in Recovery yet today we have a funding agreement with SK Health Authority and have a years worth of funding from AB Health Services. The staff that I have been blessed with are absolutely incredible. Stuff that dreams are made of. The support I have all around me is equally incredible. From my parents, to those of you that bless me with long chats about my challenges and struggles. I realize that these are reciprocating but I know I would not be here today without you all.

Tonight I am going to relax, turn off my work phone, count my blessings and have a long hot bath. I am so grateful for you all for being a part of my recovery.